My Choice

I set up an appointment recently to get my reproductive tubes tied. Yes, maybe that’s a little too much information about me than you wanted to find out, but I believe it brings up a subject that concerns most of us- children. Whether you have them, want them, are trying for them or want nothing to do with them, the idea of having children crosses our minds at least once during our lifetime.

When I was in high school, I figured I’d never have children. With the environment going downhill, countries warring with each other constantly and a few less than favorable genes my family tree would inevitably pass down, why bother bringing an innocent child into the world to inherit all the negatives? I was happy with that decision.

Well, life goes on, and I met a wonderful man. We built an awesome home and, just like that, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to have a family. Alongside my husband, I wanted to teach our children all the great things about our world, to help our babies grow, perhaps to even solve those negatives I saw in high school, and to experience the literal miracle of life. So, we have two- a girl and a boy.

They have really defined the words joy and amazement for me and have brought some of the best moments to my life. They have also brought helplessness, confusion, fear for the complicated ages to come, anger and depression. They are a blessing and a curse.

I yearn for the alone time I used to have. I miss taking care of only myself. I’d love to go shopping in peace, clean my house without worrying about what my kids are getting into while I’m knee deep in cleaning solutions, or skip a meal and not worry about starving my kids…

Now, don’t go getting your panties in a bunch and call Child Protective Services on me- I am a mother, first and foremost, and will protect them to my dying day. As crazy as they make me, I can’t even think about life without them. I love seeing their developing minds connect dots that weren’t connecting yesterday, hearing them laugh, and growing into people with their own ideas and attitudes.

So, to allow myself to experience the ups and downs of parenting and childhood without pushing my personal envelope of sanity, I believe the decision to have my tubes tied is one of the smartest since deciding to have children. I’m thankful for my two happy and healthy babies but I also know that I’m not equipped to take care of any more.

I challenge my readers to think about your own relationship with children. Be the best mother or father you can for the children you have. Be active in your niece’s and nephew’s lives. Keep trying. Or sit down with a doctor about the many choices available for your reproductive system so a child does not come into the world as a burden. They deserve more than that. And so do you!

About eyeofmyown

woman, wife, mother, writer, artist...
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